dialogues

(the sky above my office.  this might be my favorite picture ever taken with a phone...)

it is on a day like today when i am sure that southern california and the god of weather have odd conversations.  it is january.  a month of winter.  and yet.  the thermo reads 76.  76!!  are we in paradise??  seriously.  i wish i could make this kind of stuff up but i just can't.  mostly because it is real.  let me break down the report for you.

the sky:  blue

the clouds:  popcorny and wispy

the air:  cool

the sun:  warm

the shoes of choice:  flip-flops

is it january or june?  because i really can't tell...

if it is not 76 where you are, and you are not allergic to cats, come over  :)  we can sit on the porch and sip champagnes and lemonades and talk poetry and daydreams.

a la julie andrews

the holidays were good to me this year.  and not because of a gaggle of gifts or anything.  but because of the simplicity of the actual day of christmas.  honestly, the rest of december felt like some kind of crapstorm.  i mean, not necessarily bad...but having allotted our time out in a way that left us with little to no time to ourselves.

but, i digress.

christmas was good.  one of my favorite newish traditions is that b-star and i celebrate on christmas eve.  i think this started as a practice in impatience.  but it has evolved into a really well-thought-out tradition.  christmas day is always split between our families with a brunchy-type meal with my family and a dinnery-type meal with his.  this doesn't leave much time to play with new toys, construct new gadgets or try on new clothes.  and so.  christmas eve.  we play present exchange.  then play with said presents.  then wake up to do it all over again.

here are a few of my favorite things (in order of reception only, and not including snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes):
-hiking socks.  less for hiking.  more for warmth in our wooden floored home. (b)
-football earrings made by the lovely catherine marissa (b)
-flannel pajama pants! (b...he's so smart, that boy)
-target gift cards (ma)
-snow white dvd (the gift only a mom would get for her snow-white-loving-daughter)
-mini parker bowls (from my favorite and best bro and sis-in-law)

there are some i'm forgetting.  of course.  but for now, these were things i jumped up and down about.  and left stupid-happy-thank-you voicemails about  :)

happy night, friends.  i'm off to tend to my aching back.  and my handsomest of husbs.

love.

as i am feeling a bit rusty and all that

lately i have been letting my thoughts gather and grow.  they have seemed a bit thin.  and short-lived.  i will think this is something fantastical about which i should blog and then, when fingers get to keyboard it is more like eh.  it has been like that.  so, in lieu of some words that i haven't yet thought of or that haven't quite become magical enough yet, i will let you see my new hair.  which i had dyed (dyed?  colored?  how come i feel like i'm about 57 regardless of which word i choose..).

this is what they call a "before" shot.  as in, hey benny take a picture "before" i go to the salon.

this is what they call an "after" shot.  as in, hm, maybe we should take this picture before i change into my comfy jammies but "after" you do.  (i don't even know...)

in sunday news, we got our xmas tree today.  it was just the thing to pull me out of my weird mood.  and i really needed it.  this year marks the earliest i've ever gotten a tree.  i think in my lifetime.  i'm usually a second-half of december kind of tree purchaser.  but my blah-ness this weekend called for the most drastic of all measures.

did you think maybe you saw a sock monkey ornament?  oh, you sure did.

i am getting over my fear of adding pictures to my laptop in case it runs out of space.  which means i will be here more often.

in other good news, i finally found some poems i had been looking for.  i wrote about them here.  and then i searched and searched.  and tried to not panic.  and then just let it be.  and today, in an act of pure randomness, i found them.  in my nightstand drawer.  on the bottom.  and i could have cried.  i was absolutely bursting with happiness.  (in going back to find the link i realized i was looking for them over a year ago.  and they had been right next to me while i slept every night...pure magic is what that is.)

and lastly, i have to proclaim to the world that i have a husband whose love washes over me, washes away all of my sadnesses, my anxieties, my worries.  buoys me up into the fresh air.  sunshine.  he said and did every single thing right this weekend (and that is hard to do!).  even when i cried.  or complained.  or got really mad and swore because sometimes all you want to do is find something in your purse without having to take out every (freakin) last thing.  so thank you my sweetest&best, my hero among men.  your arms around me.  your comforting words.  your promises.  they are my shelter in any storm.

everybody's talking about the moon

and i saw it.  first.  it was gorgeous.  full.  filled to bursting.  i saw it on my drive home from work.  and watched it a tad more than i watched the road.  and wanted a picture of it so badly.  surrounded by wispy clouds, coating everything in it's dull yellow glow.  i wanted to pull the car over and write, "the moon is a poem.  the perfect poem."  but i didn't.  only i just did right now.

lately the moon, even half-full, has been incredibly bright.  at night our backyard looks like it's got a spotlight hovering over.  the shadows of our plants play among grass blades.  it's really magical.  surreal.  orion, our steady protector, stands guard just south and east of us.  and all of the stars around him contrast so beautifully against that black sky.  and all because of that big bright moon.

balance.

my mom has been full of telling me what to do, how to do it, when and why.  i never feel more my age than when my mom asks me if i'll wash my hands before i make her lunch.  because i want to smack her.  at the same time, i never feel more like that angsty teenager than in the same moments.  because i want to yell don't tell me what to do!  (ma, i'm 29.  please.)  but i don't smack her or yell.  just turn away and roll my eyes.  wash my hands.

i think i'm feeling claustrophobic lately.  in the last couple of weeks our remaining weekends have completely filled up.  and weeknights are SO useless.  the past couple of days i've been getting up early to do dishes.  laundry.  things i couldn't bribe my body to do the night before.  our house is a nightmare  (before christmas?  how fitting!).  lately, hours seem much more like minutes.  especially after 5pm.  days at work are sloooooow.  which i like and simultaneously dislike.  it's quiet.  but i remain unmotivated to do the gritty work that waits until quiet weeks like this.  the re-filing.  the archiving.  the climbing on ladders.  carrying bankers boxes.

i am all words today, instead.

the other night, before sleep, i started writing a poem in my head.  about our usual morning routine (read: when i don't get up an hour early).  it seemed lovely.  i almost turned over, switched the light and wrote it out but thought (so foolishly) nah, i'll remember.  and i do remember the gist of it.  but... not the same.  those words came so easy with my eyes closed.

and just like that, it's december.

take a peeks

before:

after:

i'm pretty sure we are movin on up.  jefferson style.

our new setup has been well received by those who matter most.  our furry boys.  as i type this, they are both fastest asleep on the ottoman.  which is just big enough for the both of them and our feet.  and which they are convinced is a couch we bought just for them.


now, if we could only find a tall table for the corner, we'd be able to see our lamp  :)

a year ago, today

at about 5 o'clock ben and i met in our new driveway. keys in hand, we unlocked the front door for the first time. and walked into our new home.

*sigh*

i am still in love with our house. a year later. and hope to be for many years to come. if there were a secret video camera (i hope there isn't...yikes...) you'd see the look on my face at the end of each day. whether my day has been particularly horrible or wonderful, the minute i walk in the door i can't help but smile. i am home. i am happy.

dear house,
thank you for being my little piece of heaven.
i love every inch of you. (even if i daydream about remodeling your back porch...)
cheers to you. here's to all of the years and memories to come :)

love, your one and only lady resident

hello november!

last night was our first halloween in our new home. we had a good number of kids...not the tons i was expecting (as is evidenced by our still heaping bowl of candy) but a very nice bunch. only a couple of kids too old to be trick-or-treating. but even they said thank you. so all in all, it was a great success!

and here it is november already. only two months before the year changes again and i still don't quite know where this year has gone to...it was almost 9 months ago we stumbled on this house, out of pure chance (or fate) and 8 months ago we had the keys in our hands. magical and scary and perfect...
i hope my in-lustness with our house never goes away. the very first time we walked in the door i looked at ben and said, "this is the house." and so it is :)

(and in a lot of ways that was how it was when ben and i first met. which is another post entirely. and i can see i have veered off on a dangerous tangent the likes this world has yet to have seen! back to revelling in fall...)

fall, which it is finally starting to feel like here in so cal, has been much anticipated. it is hard to be cozy and cuddly when it's 90 outside. hard to order hot chocolate. hard to wear my new peacoat. a couple of weeks ago i wore a scarf, in the sweltering weather, just in case it decided to be fall-like at any given moment. so finally finally finally, there are clouds and gentle breezes and a certain crispness. it even rained the other night!! which is just plain crazy. and we are lucky enough to have lots of leaf-dropping trees in our yard so there is much color-changing going on and all kinds of lovely crunchy noises underfoot.

i am loving every minute of it. happy november, everybody! (which i think is just benny..my most faithful reader thus far) :)

p.s. just poured buckets of rain down from the sky. this. very. minute. LOVE IT!!