i have a headache but that's not what this post is about

 (my blog team.  hard at work.  keeping my legs warm.)

although, in truth, i don't know what this post is about right now.  yet, anyway.  see, it turns out i've got all kinds of time on my hands this morning.  i woke up early but can't go in to work early.  or i can.  only i can't leave early today.  so, i'd rather spend an extra, luxurious hour at home instead of at work.  i'm pretty sure you can't fault me that  :)

it may or may not have rained last night.  if it did, i slept right through it.  i think there should be rain laws.  like, it can only rain when one is home and awake.  so as to really experience it.  without the worries of traffic or flooded streets or the intense desire to bake cookies.  the rain always makes me want to bake cookies but i am almost always either asleep or at work.  thus, rain laws.

in two weeks tax season will be over.  or, for most of you, taxes are due.  can you believe it??  i can't.  i mean, i really can't.  that crazy month of march was packed chock-full of clients.  the nice ones.  the snotty ones.  the demanding ones.  the gracious ones.  i particularly liked this ridiculous conversation with a client yesterday because i responded to her email instead of uj.  of course, her question was "have you heard anything?" and the answer was "no." but that didn't matter.  she didn't feel i should be responding to her emails.  now, do you think uj wants to respond to her emails?  oh no no no.  that is the kind of client who makes the day very hard.  who makes this season very unpleasant.  but then we have the clients who bring us candy and food-stuffs and gift cards.  the clients who celebrate chinese new year and hand us each a twenty dollar bill.  those are the clients who put a smile on my face.  even the clients who just have a kind word to say.  a smile.

being nasty and rude gets you nowhere.  but you guys already knew that  :)

today is thursday.  the first of april.  the day april begins.  the day after march.  i don't have any sort of fool stuff to pull on you.  i've never been good at that stuff.  fooling.  are you?  are you pulling fun pranks and causing general shenanigans?  oh i hope so  :)

(can you believe it is already april??  to where has this first quarter gone??)

also, did you know that when cats sleep on and beside your legs it still doesn't mean your feet will warm up?  i can feel them freezing right now...  and my socks are so.far.away.

i am doing my best today to not feel down.  as down as i have been feeling the past couple of days.  being here to talk about whatever it is i'm talking about...helps to get my mind off of things.  my boys asleep on me.  that always helps.  and my #1 boy.  that handsome husb of mine.  who wrote me pretty much the sweetest note on the mirror this morning...  he is the best cure-all i can imagine.  my life is full of happiness and love.  even when i am feeling low.  kind of like how the sun is always shining.  even if clouds are blocking the light.


thank you for being sunshines in my life, friends.


and now i am off to work...


xo

 

patron saint of cardwriters and chocolatiers

my dad used to make us valentines and slip them into our lunch boxes.  they'd always have rewordings of michael jackson songs and the like.  he would draw elaborate hearts.

the valentine's day before i met ben, my then-boyfriend told me, on valentine's day, he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore.  you know, he was sure he loved me.  he just didn't quite know what it felt like to be in love with me.  ouch.  (although in a now-funny twist of fate, i did get a romantic-y gift from a good friend of his who i was more-than-flirting with...no, it wasn't my shining moment of morality but...it sure took the sting off of my dying relationship.)

this past weekend b asked me, so what's your take on valentine's day?  it's the kind of question that seems to pre-answer the question if it were returned.  my take on valentine's day...

i said it was a good excuse to be romantic.  i said i could think of worse things in the world.  i said i don't ever need an expensive dinner or jewelry or flowers or chocolates.  (side note: never really liked just chocolate.  i know!)  i said what i would like, always and always, would be a card.  store-bought, handmade...i'm not picky.  but cards are my favorite.  they last forever.  they capture the emotions of a moment.

it helps that my handsome husb is probably the best cardwriter of. all. time.  he fills all the blank space with his own words and they are always...perfect.  i was rifling through my nightstand and found the stack of cards he's given me in the last almost-7 years.  i sat in the quiet of the morning and read them over again.  all of that love and sweetness washing over me.  renewing me.  i know i can always count on his words to do that for me.

so yeah, valentine's day is a commercialized mess.  if you let it be.  i'd much rather have a quiet day to ourselves.  maybe a picnic in the park.  a simple card-swap.  hand holding.  etc and etc.

just as long as there is no mention of not really knowing if one is in love with the other.

yikes.

picture from somewhere...i saw it on one of karey's posts...

finding my way and finding my way

today was the kind of day that makes your heart ache for all sorts of reasons.  for good reasons and not-really-that-good reasons.  today we slept in.  woke up with smiles on our faces.  we snuggled as bugs do.  on the couch for hours.  for awhile i worried about laundry that needed doing.  the stuff that makes up a day.  but benny just held me.  told me to stay.  told me everything would wait.  and we watched football.  and talked.

and everything waited.  just as he said it would.

this past week marked two years since i went off of birth control.  i had gotten a terrible stomach flu (two years ago, that is) and couldn't eat anything and so couldn't take my pills.  and remember having a semi-romantic conversation about, "well, maybe this is the right time."  it was exciting.  we were leaving it up to god.  for lack of a better term...  we would just roll with the punches.  and so far, no punches.  which at times has been preferred.  at times, frustrating.  i got my period this morning and realized that i will be 30 before i have any kids.  which may not be a big deal since 30 happened a LOT quicker than i ever thought.  (ever.)  and, considering i was set on having kids by the time i was 25 when i was in h.s., haven't been really ready for what being a parent would mean.  and be.  i mean, when you're 16, 30 is old.  ancient, really.  and then, all of a sudden, it's what you will be in 9 months.  and you still feel pretty young.  vibrant, really.  and so what?  but it was one of those goals.  like, what will happen with my life if this goal is not accomplished?  like, that would be impossible.  and yet, here we are.  looking into the odd face of possible.  and so, i feel a bit weird.  depressed a tiny bit.  frustrated.  yet optimistic.

maybe one has to give up completely.  give up all of everything before something happens.

and i don't know if i can do that.  give up completely.  i just keep going.  we just keep going.  i could tell b was heartbroken today.  frustrated just like i am.  there is something miraculous in going through this with someone who is in sync with me.  who lets me cry and ask questions without answers.  who gently suggests possibilities.  who reassures me that this will happen.  this will happen.

it was the first heartache of 2010.  fresh and full of making me feel naive.  but i also felt full of love.  filled to bursting pure and radiant love for that sweet man o' mine.  whose hands held mine so gently today.  whose jokes and funny faces and randomness erased all of my tears.  (how did i get so lucky?  really.  i can't even imagine.)  who shares my dislike for all things patriot and jet.  who shares my unending love for all things colt (and also my frustration at their recent losses...).

the next heartache of 2010 is already happening.  it is the realization that tomorrow is monday.  that our multitude of long weekends is over.  that our mornings of fitting together on the couch like puzzle pieces, one unto the other, will have to wait until next saturday.  the thought of it is enough for tears tonight.  i felt like a little kid when i told b, "but i don't wanna go to work tomorrow.  i just wanna be with youuuuuuuuu."  oh the world of growing up.  perpetually.  or something.

so, even in the midst of...i don't know, whatever this is...i have countless blessings.  and a life full of unanswered questions.  and proof after proof that want doesn't count for very much.  if wishes were horses, right?  but what would i go back and undo...redo...  nothing.  i would trade nothing.  so i keep moving forward.  keep on keepin on, really.

love.

and today, especially today, thanks for listening.  kisses and kisses.

a la julie andrews

the holidays were good to me this year.  and not because of a gaggle of gifts or anything.  but because of the simplicity of the actual day of christmas.  honestly, the rest of december felt like some kind of crapstorm.  i mean, not necessarily bad...but having allotted our time out in a way that left us with little to no time to ourselves.

but, i digress.

christmas was good.  one of my favorite newish traditions is that b-star and i celebrate on christmas eve.  i think this started as a practice in impatience.  but it has evolved into a really well-thought-out tradition.  christmas day is always split between our families with a brunchy-type meal with my family and a dinnery-type meal with his.  this doesn't leave much time to play with new toys, construct new gadgets or try on new clothes.  and so.  christmas eve.  we play present exchange.  then play with said presents.  then wake up to do it all over again.

here are a few of my favorite things (in order of reception only, and not including snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes):
-hiking socks.  less for hiking.  more for warmth in our wooden floored home. (b)
-football earrings made by the lovely catherine marissa (b)
-flannel pajama pants! (b...he's so smart, that boy)
-target gift cards (ma)
-snow white dvd (the gift only a mom would get for her snow-white-loving-daughter)
-mini parker bowls (from my favorite and best bro and sis-in-law)

there are some i'm forgetting.  of course.  but for now, these were things i jumped up and down about.  and left stupid-happy-thank-you voicemails about  :)

happy night, friends.  i'm off to tend to my aching back.  and my handsomest of husbs.

love.

the sun and the moon

(today, 4pm, eastward)

lately i've been having the same dream.  or rather, the same part of a dream.  or rather, a thematic element in which a recurring moment, well, recurs.  only it fits in with the different dream.  it is the same and different.

ya dig?

so, the moment is this.  i'm going somewhere.  i'm focused.  and i look up.  and the sun and the moon are both in the sky.  like right next to each other.  and they're both huuuuuge.  huge.  and i grab for my camera.  or someone's attention.  and no one is listening.  or my camera won't work.  in this last one, my mister and i were off to the theatre.  we had front row seats to see phantom of the opera.  in some swanky opera house.  but i wanted a picture of the sky so badly.  and b was urging me to go to our seats.  he had me by the hand.  and we went inside.

so...yeah.  i'm sure it means something about something but i'm not sure i really want to know.  i'm pretending it signifies all of my stars aligning.  all planets and moons too.  i'm all for alignment.  (which just made me laugh because my back went out today.  maybe i should be all for spinal alignment...?)

an.e.whoooo...

this year is coming to an end so quickly.  do you guys feel like that too?  i can barely wrap my fingers and hands around each day before it's gone gone gone.  and i don't know about 2010 yet.  it has the potential to be a big year.  i'll be the big 3-0 about 3/4 of the way through it.  and i don't know how i feel about that yet.  not because i'm one of those "i'm so old!" people.  because i'm not.  but it's a big number.  and as of yet it feels bigger than i can be.  so we'll see how that goes.  luckily, we still have quite a while until then.

i will leave you with my favorite picture from our earlier december trip up north to san fran.  ben says it is his favorite picture of me ever.  in all of time.  and i'll take that compliment thankyouverymuch  :)  i happen to like it too.  me+chunky knits=comfy to the max.  so here, my sweet pepitas.  with love.

(emjamin) (our celeb couple nickname...aren't we scandalous?)

as i am feeling a bit rusty and all that

lately i have been letting my thoughts gather and grow.  they have seemed a bit thin.  and short-lived.  i will think this is something fantastical about which i should blog and then, when fingers get to keyboard it is more like eh.  it has been like that.  so, in lieu of some words that i haven't yet thought of or that haven't quite become magical enough yet, i will let you see my new hair.  which i had dyed (dyed?  colored?  how come i feel like i'm about 57 regardless of which word i choose..).

this is what they call a "before" shot.  as in, hey benny take a picture "before" i go to the salon.

this is what they call an "after" shot.  as in, hm, maybe we should take this picture before i change into my comfy jammies but "after" you do.  (i don't even know...)

in sunday news, we got our xmas tree today.  it was just the thing to pull me out of my weird mood.  and i really needed it.  this year marks the earliest i've ever gotten a tree.  i think in my lifetime.  i'm usually a second-half of december kind of tree purchaser.  but my blah-ness this weekend called for the most drastic of all measures.

did you think maybe you saw a sock monkey ornament?  oh, you sure did.

i am getting over my fear of adding pictures to my laptop in case it runs out of space.  which means i will be here more often.

in other good news, i finally found some poems i had been looking for.  i wrote about them here.  and then i searched and searched.  and tried to not panic.  and then just let it be.  and today, in an act of pure randomness, i found them.  in my nightstand drawer.  on the bottom.  and i could have cried.  i was absolutely bursting with happiness.  (in going back to find the link i realized i was looking for them over a year ago.  and they had been right next to me while i slept every night...pure magic is what that is.)

and lastly, i have to proclaim to the world that i have a husband whose love washes over me, washes away all of my sadnesses, my anxieties, my worries.  buoys me up into the fresh air.  sunshine.  he said and did every single thing right this weekend (and that is hard to do!).  even when i cried.  or complained.  or got really mad and swore because sometimes all you want to do is find something in your purse without having to take out every (freakin) last thing.  so thank you my sweetest&best, my hero among men.  your arms around me.  your comforting words.  your promises.  they are my shelter in any storm.

in small moments: a mini-post

after dinner, we sat on the couch.
zoned out for a bit.
we talked.

we laughed.

we watched tv.

laughed over and over.

today i don't remember exactly what about.

but it felt good.

resembled bliss.

i want the rest of our lives to be like this.

i know it's not perfect.

i know it can't all be wedding cake*.

but i want it just the same.

sometimes i get caught up in all sorts of nets.

all of my own making.

we are only getting older.

what if this, what if that, what if the other thing.

sometimes i have to tell myself to shut up.

sometimes i have to tell myself to breathe, over and over.

when my thoughts are loud and racing.

bullying.

but last night.

last night was sheer happiness.

and it came from within me.  us.

so i know it will always be there,

like a treasure constantly discovered. 

*from 'the underdog' by spoon

lost and found, weekend edition

lost:
-one earring
*this is the first earring i've ever lost.  and i'm a bit confused about the whole thing.  it was a post earring.  with a secure back on it.  and i looked in the mirror before bed and it was gone.  (gone!)  and i feel very weird about the whole thing.
-one chicken wishbone
*i'd saved and dried it for special wishing with the husb only to look for it tonight and it's gone.  there i was, daydreaming about my wish.  and then, head-shaking.

found:
-new banner!!  
*brought to you by the ever-talented and stupendous mr. b.  i am soooo excited!!  he took one of my photographs and made it bigger, made it badder, made it awesome  :)  (i love the ace of cakes..don't you?)  i really didn't anticipate it being love at first site (oh, crack myself UP!)  but it ended up so much cooler than i could have dreamed.  this is the first step in creating a blog that looks and feels a bit more like "me."  (thank you forever, benny)
-new color to paint the bathroom
*gray (or "grey," depending on whatever floats your boat).  as to which gray, not sure yet.  will keep you posted.

happy monday!

*i now pronounce you husband and wife*

"raise high the roof beam, carpenters. like ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man." -salinger

three years have passed since our wedding day. years filled with bliss and tears. years filled with the growing knowledge of another's needs as well as one's own. years that best the previous as soon as they are past.

my sweetest love, my god among mere mortals, how my love for you has changed me and my entire world. how i have grown into a person i am proud to be. how i so adore every cell in your body. each moment with you, each breath shared, these are blessings beyond compare. may you never doubt my love, instead only know the definition of my life would be incomplete without you, would be just a fragment.

three years ago we vowed ourselves, one to the other, and i renew those vows each day.

with a love beyond the confines of this known world,
your ever-loving and most loyal wife

as we celebrate

i'm so sorry i've been away. it's been a bit of a crazy week as i'd been planning for benny's birthday. nothing crazy. but a weekend full of happiness. and carefree-ness.

my sweetest and best celebrated his 28th birthday saturday.

so you can see why i haven't had much time to be chatty. i'm hoping that changes a bit in the coming week. until then, a letter to my favorite guy.

dear benny,
if only i could express in actions my undying love for you. a love that only grows and grows. i hope this coming year is more amazing than you could ever dream.... i would give you the world if i could. the stars and the beauty of the heavens and the oceans. and yet. i can only promise you the comfort of my arms. the deepest love of my soul. the unending loyalty in my eyes. i hope we can celebrate 100 more of your birthdays together... i can't imagine it any other way.

yours always,
emmy

the division

before ben left for work this morning we talked about making dinner together. like a real dinner. like no microwave involved. like defrosting chicken. (i know!) so i made a small grocery list, moved said chicken from the freezer into the fridge, etc etc. at work i thought about when i should go shopping. what time i should get home so that we can start cooking asap. i thought, "do we have a vegetable side to go with dinner?" i thought, "this is going to be romantic." we were going to cook together, be together, have a great night, etc etc.

whoa.

i get home, groceries in hand. i do dishes whilst doing laundry. i take chicken out to further thaw. i am pumped and ready to be as much like giada as i am humanly capable. i have music on. what could be bad? well! ben gets home. is in a bad mood. is hungry/tired/grumpy. does not want to cook dinner tonight. instead he has leftovers. and we barely say two words to each other all night.

hmm.

how could the chasm between fantasy and reality have been so vast tonight? i mean, it was insurmountable. and soooooo disappointing. *sigh* i should have known that since the planning was going so smoothly, something would come along and muck it up. a friendly reminder that god laughs while we make plans, i suppose.

touche god, touche.

we two

i have been crazy in love these past few weeks. it is clearly at the point of ridiculousness. but i have no shame. i am so freakin lucky it blows my mind.

what a pair of goofballs we are :)

this week of days

hasn't this been the longest week ever? i feel like every word out of my mouth has culminated into a big, eternal "ugh." each day stretches on for weeks. and this week has stretched on for the better part of the year.

or does it just feel that way?

there is something nice about the boss being away. the phones don't ring. there is plenty of time to focus. and yet. focus is exactly what i can't seem to be able to do. i have my work all lined up in front of me. my visual checklist. i even have a literal checklist. and yet. here i am. whining about the conundrum that is this week.

let's see. what am i busy thinking about so i don't feel trapped in the confines of space and time that make up the black hole that is this week?

1. my sweetest love. oh, that husband of mine. i daydream about him all day and then when we get home from work it is like heaven on earth. last night his charming self got me right out of my bad, frustrated mood. this is a man that i miss as soon as he steps out the door. and he can never get home soon enough. i am so lucky it hurts, aches deep in my bones. oh, that husband of mine...

2. is there anything else? i'm blanking.

now back to work.

it isn't even 2:00 yet.

holy crap...

oh me oh my

how i had wanted to blog this past weekend.

how i had wanted to blog last night.

but the weekend went like this: saturday=friends all day long, sunday=watched golf, laid around, watched basketball. weekend=computer not turned on once.

and yesterday went like this: benny calls me at 3 to tell me he's coming home sick, i get home around 5 to find my handsome man looking pale and writhing in pain. at 2 am his fever finally arrived and by morning he was feeling a bit better. also, during the entire day, i had the hugest headache known to myself. headache=eyes watering, chills, etc.

thank god today was nothing like yesterday!! (for either of us. benny seems to be on the mend and i woke up (after 12 & some odd hours of tenuous sleep) feeling much better.

yay!!

so, here we are.

hello friends :)

things i have been daydreaming about:

1. framing pictures and decorating our bedroom (it's been over a year...i think it's time). i spent much of sunday vigorously flipping through old domino magazines looking for walls covered in framed pictures. something to model our walls after. but came up empty. i know. how is that possible? well, it happened. and i felt a bit lost. what do you think? are you for random frames arranged in a collage-like fashion? or do you prefer picture ledges with frames of all types and sized lined up?

2. buying new towels for our bathroom. right now we're sporting lovely lightish green towels along with a green & cream rug. but my ever-stylish husb has brought thoughts of dark brown towels and matching rug into my life. how had i not thought of that?? so i feel the magnetic, life-altering pull of los al's target. i hope to have graced its aisles by week's end.

things i have been pondering:

1. fish eggs. have you ever eaten them? are you, dear reader, a woman? if so, and if so, has it ever creeped you out? we went to sushi while we were in hawaii (my mouth is watering just thinking about thinking about it) and got a roll covered in these little orange beads. teeny orange beads, really. they were called something. not roe. not anything that sounded like they were eggs but they were. and they popped between my teeth. i mean, they were really quite interesting. but. it felt odd. eating something that was like something that my own body created and contained. (is that gross? i'm sorry...) but i'm wondering if i'm the only one. i mean, i'm pretty sure i don't want to eat fish eggs ever again. and i don't like regular (read chicken) eggs anyway. (although i don't think of them in the same category. possibly because they are different enough to not be creepy.) let me know if and how this has impacted your life.

2. how much "stuff" one really needs in one's life. we have a ton of stuff. an attic-full. it is possible that this coming weekend will entail cleaning out the attic. i mean, i'm pretty sure most of what is being stored is stuff we want to keep. or want. but there is a lot of excess. of course.

3. why did i love the star trek movie so much?! seriously, we may have to own it. (oh what, you know you guiltily loved it too...it was exciting!!)


that's all i've got, folks. check back soon.

from minute one

this is the first picture of us. it was taken just a couple of months after we met and a week after we said 'i love you' for the first time...

july 18, 2003















this is the only picture of us from the night we got engaged...notice how relieved/exhausted my husb-to-be is after it's all over with :)

september 4, 2005







this is the day we became husband and wife. i knew this day would come from the moment that we met. i just didn't know how perfect it would be...

august 6, 2006



















this picture was taken earlier today in our beautiful backyard. this weekend marked 6 years since the fateful night that we met. to celebrate, we have been spending the weekend cleaning out closets, watching basketball, and saying things like, "six years ago i was thinking about you right now!" so much has changed (look at that first picture of us!!, ben graduated college, we've lived in 3 different cities, adopted our boys, i got my masters, we bought a house) but plenty has stayed the same...i'm still as crazy about this guy as the night i met him. i still look at him in disbelief...this really happened...we're really together...this is the life of which i had only dreamed. and it is real. and it is so beautiful...

may 24, 2009

here is to six more years, my love. and six years after that...and six years after that...and...

you have no idea what you're in for...part three

aloooooooooooooooooha!

i'm finding it's still hard to put our trip into words. it was beautiful, peaceful, relaxing, exciting, romantic and fun...

ok, so that wasn't too hard!

our days were filled with sunshine and sand. when ben got his way i would go in the water (hey, it was cold!) and the rest of the time i'd be sunning and crosswording. now THAT is the life.

when we weren't sunning...let's see...we went ziplining in the mountains above the lahaina/ka'anapali area (so much fun...i recommend it...as in, highly)...we partook in a delicious lunch ritual i like to call pb&j...we hiked a coastal trail that took us through lava fields and along a cliff overlooking thundering waves...we swam with huge sea turtles and snorkeled with the fishes...but perhaps the thing we did most consistently (which was also maybe my favorite activity of all) was give our fellow beachgoers nicknames and make up stories about where they could be from and what their life stories entailed...(ok yes there was a lot of whispering, so what??) and that was all just a teeny tiny part of it.

this vacation really was the perfect getaway that we needed. it was a nice break from our jobs and, what i've termed, the "stresses of domesticity" (read: laundry, dishes, waking up at 3am to one of the cats barfing over the side of the bed, etc.). when we were leaving, i couldn't wait to get there. and when we were on our way back, i couldn't wait to get home. i don't think you could ask for better timing...

so i will leave you with a sunset view from our lanai. we were lucky enough to see eight whole, beautiful, unique sunsets during our trip. this is just one shot of one of them...but my favorite of them all. (hey, nothing but the best for you!!)

ben is THE premier sunset photographer
(sunset over molokai, april 30, 2009)

you have no idea what you're in for...part two

as it turns out, ziplining is also for lovers
(overlooking lahaina & ka'anapali)
(we heart eco-adventures)

i'm not sure that there exists a picture that better captures us

how is one to say goodbye to such a beautiful place without leaving a bit of one's own heart behind? (on our way to be on our way home)

you have no idea what you're in for...part one

maui is for lovers

we needed a vacation. like, badly.

nature's pedicure

location location location (aka: our view)

this one is about having all kinds of things to think about

i left work thinking...do i go to golden spoon or target? i wanted that frozen yogurt so badly i could taste it but...i also really wanted these cute t's that were on sale.

so i went for the t's.

i like to build up my golden spoon craving until it is unbearable and requires a good binge session. and hopefully on that fateful day they have raspberry. holy good gracious...

so i went for the t's. i got pink, navy, white and brown. each has an adorable print on it. my fav at the moment is the brown with a neighborhood print on it. -close second, the white with navy sailboats sailing along the bottom.-

i also got some cotton skirts while at taaaaayr-git. (ever see kristen wiig do the target lady on snl? oh my favorite.) i am so excited about our trip to maui. i can't believe it's coming up so quickly...

when ben and i were planning our vacation we couldn't decide which island. what kind of trip we wanted. did we want to feel secluded or amongst the crowd? did we want nightlife? did we want a hotel room? a condo? ocean front? ocean view? a place we'd been or a completely new experience?

*sigh*

sometimes there are too many options. but eventually, narrowing down priorities, we decided on maui. when we first went together in may 2005 it was the most romantic trip ever. e.v.e.r. i don't think it was even matched by our honeymoon. but we didn't have the boys yet. i wasn't in school yet. and we'd just moved in together a couple of months earlier. speaking of our honeymoon, we went to maui for the last 5 days of that trip as well. but it seemed so different. it was HOT. way hotter there in august than may. and it was stressful. is that weird? everything just seemed so abruptly left behind when we left our wedding reception and were on our way to the hotel, then the airport, then kauai, then maui. and getting the boys to ben's mom's was also incredibly stressful. by the end of the trip i wanted to get back to my life. back to my boys. back to normalcy...

*sigh*

this time the boys get to stay in their own home. we won't be worried about where our marriage certificate is or who has it or was it sent in. we won't be constantly daydreaming about all of the beautifully wrapped presents just begging to be opened. (ok, maybe that was just me...) this time we'll have been married almost 3 years. (yay!)

i am excited. through and through. and not just because i have a super cute tote. or some new shirts and skirts. although it doesn't hurt to be fashionably ready.. :)

i am going to have 9 days of just me and my husby...the waves crashing...the breeze...some cold drinks...and the sun gently caressing my arctic-white skin.

romance, eden, healthy glow.... here. i. come.

what today holds

i'm driving behind a car this morning and the license plate frame reads:

happiness is lawn bowling

so true, right?

it also happens that i'm listening to ray lamontagne on my way to work this morning.

he is so freakin groovy. i feel it impossible to listen to his music and not feel like my soul is made up of sunshine. groovy sunshine.

also on my playlist this morning was phoenix's single 'lisztomania.'

i am in love.

i have allowed myself no amount of playcount shame today. i listened to lisztomania three whole times on my way home. (i think this is a huge step in my recovery process.)

also, i got a ridiculously painful papercut today. ok, make that a manilafoldercut. on. my. fingerTIP. have you ever had a papercut ache? BUT. that's not the important part. (don't tell my finger that i said that.) when ben got home i showed him the damage and gave my best dramatic re-enactment. again, not the important part. here it is: he didn't scoff or make fun of me. he acted as if my tiny little cut mattered. even though he knew i was being silly. and melodramatic.

THAT was the important part.

an.y.who

what tomorrow holds...

seder. i am a bit nonplussed about the whole thing. no, i don't think nonplussed was the right word there...

it is hard to go through the motions when there is no connection. no real desire for a connection. i don't know. it's like, why are we sitting around starving and sipping wine for 3 hours (ok, it just feels like 3 hours) and saying the same things we said last year? and the year before. and... i don't know. does anyone really feel deep down like they connect with what's being said? like they have any inkling of an idea what slavery is like? oh, i know i know some people do. i just...feel nothing. (insert song from 'chorus line.') i guess i will focus on my favorite part which is where we all say, 'next year in jerusalem.' i try to work that line in all year round so when it's passover, and like official, i snicker a bit.

hey baby, i had so much fun on our date tonight...next year in jerusalem.

you get the idea.

and, if i'm lucky, i'll get to hold my husband's hand under the table. that is always my favorite part.

bar none.

random signs that there is a god

it is such a beautiful day out. the wind is dancing amongst all of our neighborhood trees. we have a nest of baby birds in one of the trees in our yard and they have been chirppy all day. on a day like today i am reminded with each cold gust of wind all that god is. (and before we go any further, i don't think god minds if i capitalize or not. we've talked about it and i'm pretty sure he has bigger fish to fry.)

sammy has been my constant companion all day. laying his warm body next to me, on my lap, etc whether i am sitting here in bed blogging or on the couch going through the coupons. he's usually so busy and scatter-brained that to get him to sit still for 5 minutes is unreal. but today he's just a cuddle-bug. and i get to reap in the benefits of how much heat all 14 lbs of him gives off.

i went to both target and trader joe's today. does it get any better than that??

at trader joe's i purchased their single most delectable item. havarti cheese. do you like cheese? do you like heaven? then you must try this cheese and i dare you to tell me it is not the single yummiest food ever. i tore a corner off (it comes in a big square chunk) and the minute i tasted it i thought, 'god does exist. and he is even in this cheese i am eating this very second.'

and just in case you needed proof that god has a sense of humor...yesterday ben and i were at bake n broil. if you are ever in long beach, go to bake n broil. every single thing they make is amazing. every. single. thing. so we are stuffing ourselves silly and i mention off-handedly (how else would i mention it?) that bake n broil makes bulimia seem like a good diet option because you can enjoy all of the sheer divinity that is the food and then get rid of it easily.

oh, of course i was kidding!

BUT. this morning. and i mean EARLY this morning. i woke up with a stomach ache unlike any other. and, to keep this short and sweet, had about an hour and a half long stomach flu. and as i walked out of the bathroom for the last time, i thought, 'well played, god. touche.' it was odd to feel so very close to him at a time like that. but who else?? i had to open my stupid mouth about throwing up and 12 hours later... (no pun intended. no really. no seriously. ok, maybe a little..)

so if you feel like peering into the window of my life today, it will look like this:

cats
cheese
husb
freshly folded laundry
peace
and
love

amen

my man has had a stressful week

*goodnight, my someone,
goodnight, my love,
sleep tight, my someone,
sleep tight, my love,
our star is shining its brightest light...
for goodnight, my love, for goodnight*



my husband works incredibly hard. everyday. he works at work. and he works at home. there have been times i have forced him to stop doing work and relax. and not because i am selfish and want him all to myself (even though i do). but because he works incredibly hard. and there is only so much a body, and mind, can take.

so tonight, he passed out at about quarter to 10. i did whine a bit (but...but...it's friday night!) but i know he needs it.

i felt like a great wife today (aside from aforementioned whining). this happens occasionally. i worked all day, bought groceries for dinner during my lunch hour, came home, cleaned the kitchen and the dining room table, and had dinner ready 5 minutes after ben came in the door from work. AND i wore an apron. i know. serious wifery.

now on to more serious wifery. aka cuddling up with my husby :)

g'night!

i heart my boys

my favorite new word that i have come up with is "adoraboy." plural = adoraboys. this is a term i use when one of my cats (or both) is/are being ridiculously adorable. and it is a noun. it goes a little something like this: "they are being such adoraboys tonight!" (do i think this word is awesome? of course. do i think this belongs in the dictionary? no.)*

*side note: i DO NOT like words like ginormous being in the dictionary. that is not what this post is about because i am vehemently against that kind of rampant stupidity in our society. (p.s. ginormous is not a word. it is gigantic and enormous, both meaning approx. the same thing, combined into one word that exacerbates the meaning. that's it. only exacerbates it. because sometimes gigantic just isn't big enough?? come on people.)

anywho...

this morning, tiggy (aka tiger karate, robby, rocky, gray boy, etc.) sat with me on the bed before i had to leave for work. this is something we often do as sammy (aka orange boy and other nicknames i'm sure he has but cannot think of at this hour) is sleeping and we get in some good bonding time. so tiggy rests his head and front paws on my leg and falls asleep. this is basically him being "such an adoraboy." i realize that 'such' often precedes 'adoraboy.' i will look into this.

in parting, i leave you with two recent and favorite pics of my adoraboys. at this very moment, tiggy is sleeping on ben's legs in a position almost identical to the one in this picture. and if it is possible, he is fluffier and softer than he looks.and my sweet sammy boy. he is always so busy. tonight he was getting into everything. seriously. he is an eternal toddler stuck in the body of a cat. he kept me up all night last night with his shananigans. but right now he is fast asleep on top of the hamper. thank goodness! and just look at that face :)

and let me mention that this is not an animal-specific term. ben has been known to be an adoraboy too (although it's just different with the cats...). it also works well with children who are boys as they are often adorable. at the moment, i am the only one awake in a room full of sleeping, snoring adoraboys. and i love every second of it :)

*goodnight*

why november 4th will always be a bit somber in our humble home...

this morning, ben and i walked to the house on our corner and voted in their enclosed patio. this deserves some qualifying...
1) they had a yes on 8 sign on their lawn all days preceding the election. yuck.
2) their enclosed patio smelled. bad.
3) said enclosed patio was covered in odd and old family pictures. both oil painted portraits and prints. but none that were nostalgic or lovely.

as we walked away ben and i fived over the fact that we just canceled out each others vote. see, it is easy to five at 8a.m. when there are no results. and no one has been crowned victorious. it is another, 12 or so hours later, when one of us is relieved/happy/excited about the future and the other is frustrated/angry/convinced that the next four years are lost. and it is always one or the other of us. so had tonight been different, so too our respective moods.

so, i celebrated very quietly tonight. as in, silently. with the exception of getting the good news from my little bro (who also shared even better news that he and his soon-to-be-mrs. were celebrating with me. so awesome!) it has been very quiet here tonight.

oh well, i will save my celebratory spirit for tomorrow when i see my mom (btw, you can take your "stop bush" sign out of your front window any day now...her poor neighbors have had to see that every day for 8 years) and the rest of the fam who will be happy to celebrate with me.

as shakespeare would say, "huzzah!"

that last part was just for me...i have been looking for a good reason to bring that word back into circulation :)

*let them know the wicked witch is dead*

somedays it is just that kind of day. today my bad mood followed me around very quietly. showing itself only in moments of unavoidable frustration. it was a very amicable bad mood if there is such a thing. but this is the precise mood that comes to a head at the worst possible time...when i get home from work. now, let me preface this with the fact that i am very good about announcing said bad mood. i will say things to ben like, "i'm gonna need a little extra room tonight because i am cranky" or "i'm in a bad mood and i can't help it" etc. i feel that that, in someway, excuses the crazy lady that takes over my body immediately after those disclaimers.

so, today was a weird day. full of frustration and a bad mood tapping lightly at my shoulder. so i get home, straighten up the dining room table, start some laundry, change our bedsheets, do the dishes (well, most of them), and pick up clothes and put them in the hamper. these are all things i wanted to do all day. while i was at work. frustrated. but i grumbled through each chore. making mean comments in my head as i went about things. in between said comments i would plead with myself, "self, please don't be in a bad mood when ben gets home." and not because i am some crazy housewife type who has to act all june cleaverish.

(and yes, i just made an adverb out of her name.)

but because the highlight of my day, my everyday, is whenever i can be with my husb. because we have a good time together. because he is my favorite person. etc. etc.

SO

i am dreading his homecoming and feeling the crazy lady in me surfacing when he comes through the door and all of a sudden the CRAZIEST thing of all happens...

i get happy. like REALLY happy. my crappy day/bad mood/crazy lady alternate persona melts away and i am my happy self. this is the power of love, my friends. this is the power of an incredibly handsome husband and his unending love for me. ME! and i am sooo thankful that it wasn't the kind of bad mood where all of that doesn't matter (yes, that kind does exist and it is ugly. it usually involves creating an argument about something that does not exist and then sleeping on opposite sides of the bed while scowling.) but today ended up being much better than i had hoped. AND i got lots of chorey things done so i have all kinds of time to think about fun posts. and all kinds of time to love on my husb :) what could be better?