Wednesday, March 31, 2010

wednesday: a mini-post

i have been hard on myself this week.  when i am cranky, i reprimand myself for being cranky.  because that could only mean one thing.  when i am fighting tears, i am also fighting myself.  how dare i want to cry.  because it most likely only means one thing.  see, i am thinking that, if i don't feel differently this month than every other month, it means it didn't work.  it means this month will end just like all the others.  in disappointment.  i can promise you i did very little of getting my hopes up since two weeks ago.  i did very well with not getting ahead of myself.  but today i feel like my disappointment is crushing me.  nothing is certain yet and i still have a few more days of waiting.  but i'm pretty sure that, since all the signs are there, this is just another bout of pms.  i just really really really...  really wanted this to work.  this time.  this month.  this year.  i know we aren't out of options.  i know we've got plenty of time.  i know it could be worse.  as it always can be.  but...



Blogger brlracincwgrl said...


March 31, 2010 1:17 PM  
Blogger NatTheFatRat said...

hey, i know this! i've been through this! this is all so familiar! just for the record, the month something finally happened for me felt exactly the same as all of the other months where nothing happened. same grouchiness, same slight cramping, all the same. except no pimples. that was the ONLY difference. i'd tell you not to get worked up about it but that would be stupid because it's impossible not to. it is IMPOSSIBLE. hang in there. all you can do is hang in there. lots of love to you lady b.

March 31, 2010 3:55 PM  
Blogger emily b. said...

brl & nat,

thanks girls. for the hugs and love and support. i really need it today and i can't tell you how much your words mean to me :)

xo, em

March 31, 2010 4:09 PM  

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