Monday, March 15, 2010

sometimes you have to turn it all off

you have to shut out the noise.  shut up the editor in your brain that makes your fingers tremble under the weight of what if these words aren't (good) enough.

i pulled out my laptop, got into bed, and tiggy jumped into my lap.  something he never does at this time of night.  and he is still there.  asleep across my indian-style knees.  i thought, maybe i shouldn't write tonight.  i thought, maybe if i prop the laptop up here at an angle will work.

then i sat here with my fingers on the keys for.ever.  ok, five minutes.  but five minutes of waiting for the words to come out is like...forever.

(me and nala, 2004)
tonight we went to ben's parents' house.  tomorrow they will put down their golden lab, nala.  she is almost 14 and just about the sweetest girl you'd ever meet.  it's hard to say goodbye to that kind of love.  hard to know i rubbed her head and called her a sweet girl for the last time tonight.

so you can bet i'll sit in this awkward position, typing across my body, for as long as tiggy wants to lay on me.  he is so heavy and warm and soft.  sammy's asleep at my feet.  the love i have for these boys is.  well there aren't words for that kind of love.  you know the kind...

and so what else.  i dunno guys.  i've been sitting here with my fingers on the keyboard almost half an hour.  with nothing to show for it.  i know this is not even close to good reading so i appreciate in advance your reading it anyway  :)  i promise promise promise more exciting words.  certainly prettier words.  and some stories.  i'm just comin up empty tonight.



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