Tuesday, March 9, 2010

numbers and letters

is there anything else?  before we left i was counting down the days until we were in utter paradise.  then, upon arrival in said paradise, realized it was much more photogenic than it was a paradise.  and began to count down the days until returning home.  to our paradise.  our bed.  our cuddly purry chubby boys.  now it's day two of this week and i'm counting down to the weekend.  only i don't know why.  there are no plans.  last saturday marked six months between my birthdays.  and now i am growing closer and closer to thirty.  with which i am ok.  thirty will be a big year.  in one way or another.  or who knows.  so i'm looking forward to that but not counting down.  the days seem to move so quickly now i don't want to lose the next six months to predictable nonsense.

in the midst of all of this 'trying to make a baby' stuff it's all numbers.  days in a cycle.  days of this phase and the next.  days of waiting.  and hoping.  hormone levels.  counts.  timing.  timing.  timing.  and aren't we laughing that it hasn't been timing all along.  almost two and a half years of wondering what we've been doing wrong and it wasn't the counting at all.  i wouldn't mind counting down for nine months but nobody asked me either.  until then.  days and days.  months.

before our wedding i made a countdown sheet.  eight and a half by eleven of numbers.  decreasing in value.  increasing in excitement.  and stress.  but mostly excitement.  and love.  before i turn thirty we'll have been married four years.  this may we met over seven years ago.  seven years of being crazy in love.  that's middle school and high school, guys.  that is freakin serious stuff right there  :)

this morning i got up at the first alarm.  i didn't snooze.  i wanted to.  but i knew i had to shower and do laundry and grocery shop.  mostly things i was too tired to do last night.  i still made it into work by nine.  and started with payroll tax deposits and ui rates and workers comp audits.  i may brag just a bit about being able to decipher a five from a six on a fuzzy fax.  i have a feeling i won't be bragging when i'm fifty and subscribing to the large print edition of readers digest.  hm.

tonight, the one i married has a meeting.  he won't be home until after eight.  maybe nine.  i've been methodically planning my time tonight.  i want to clean up my life.  i've got stacks of crap every.where.  and i want it all gone.  so i want time for that.  ok, not cleaning up my whole life but at least my nightstand, our dresser, the table in my office.  (oy.)

and maybe i'll read a chapter or two from this side of paradise.  that amory blaine and his wacky mum.  the both of them so affected...

are you reading tonight?  are you reading at all?  i need some suggestions.  i really truly loved re-reading gatsby.  maybe i'll post something short on that later.  i was so glad for the time to read it.  so, yes, are you reading?  fill me in  :)

2 Comments:

Blogger April said...

I get the whole numbers thing. Numbers and timing timing timing. This month started our official "not trying so hard, but trying" and I can't decide if it's better or worse haha.

I'm in the midst of deciding what to read next. B got me 'The Pillars of the Earth' by Ken Follet, so I just started that. But I'm still reading Thoreau. I often read two books at once which actually annoys me - but hey, it all comes down to that inpatience of mine. :)

Glad your back and doing well!

March 9, 2010 8:09 PM  
Blogger HeatherLynn said...

Well my book club girl ~ yes I'm reading....although not nearly as fast as my stack of book on my nightstand would like to see! I'm reading "the purpose driven life"...but that's just a little reading everyday for 40 days....I have that book that the movie Precious was written from...that's next i think....then I might tackle a book my cousin's wife gave me about whether or not animals get to go to heaven! lol

Like anyone REALLY knows the answer to that, so the book should be interesting in theory at the very least.

I've been so enthralled with getting a new job, tattooing....and being scared out of my wits and frustrated to the max over here, i've been keeping the reading material semi-light. or short! I have the attention span of a fruit fly right now! :)

Glad you made it home safe and sound my gorgeous imaginary friend! that really is the best kind to have...gorgeous, funny, smart....with amazing skills. i really am blessed in the imaginary friend department!

if you want something else to countdown to....count down to 3 p.m. on Saturday....I have a 4 hour tattoo session scheduled...we're going to find out if HeatherLynn is Badass enough to take the pain and do it all in one session!

I'm on the fence....I wonder....will i be strong, am i capable of badassness?

stay tuned IFEB (Imaginary-Friend-Emily-B)

xoxo
~hl~

March 10, 2010 9:47 AM  

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