simple

--fall, falling, fell, have fallen--
it is so nice to finally have it feel like october is looming.
to date, september has been like living on the fringes of hell.
today, however, there was a breeze full of promises. and a possible crispness.
a gift from above, if you ask me.

--sometimes it is in the quickness of a moment--
last night we sat in bed watching tv.
ben reached over and held my hand.
it almost always reminds me of the first time we held hands,
in my neighbor's driveway.
a simpler time in some ways, not in others.
those first brief exchanges of touch.
all of them breathtaking.

--and in knowing, doubt--
when i woke, my body ached
and was heavy with its achyness.
my dreams must have been ravenous,
must have been looking for a fight.
how else to explain the feeling.
and why would i already have a song stuck in my head
upon waking?

--what you ask for--
our trees out front have donned the prettiest pinky-peach leaves.
a maple down the street is turning fiery reds and yellows.
all of the signs are there.
soon, i'll dig out my scarves,
wear close-toed shoes,
bundle in blankets in the living room.

i am ready for a change in season.

on fog and heat and studio tours

what a crazy freakin week! some of my favorite non-friday moments were as simple as can be. on thursday i awoke to our neighborhood drenched in fog. it wasn't the kind of fog that is dangerous or scary. moreso a fog that makes one's neighbor's house fuzzy. the kind of fog that makes you blink hard because your eyes might be failing you but--alas!--it is the softness of the marine layer. as i drove to work i watched trees appear on either side of the road as if out of nowhere. i wanted to pull over and take a million pictures but knew what i wanted the pictures to look like and knew what they would look like and so i drove on. not because i am a bad photographer. au contraire! but without the right camera...it just won't work. ya know?

by noontime on the same day it was sweltering. i mean, like f-ing hot. los alamitos was never meant to be over 90 degrees. but did los alamitos listen to me? did los al listen to any form of reason? oh no. so there it was, 100 freakin degrees. and all i was left with were the memories of our foggy morning. soft, blankety, enveloping fog.

sigh.

but really, i know you tuned in today to hear about our cbs studio tour. it was ALL KINDS OF AWESOME!! i mean, i'm trying to find words but they are sparse. turning all of the visual stimuli into words...there is so much of a disconnect.
so the backstory is this: we've been watching the bold and the beautiful for forever. it's been on since the late 80s and my mom and uj have watched it since then. ali and i have watched it since we started working for uj. so, i've been watching it for about 7 years now. (did i already tell you all of this?? hm...) A.nywho. we showed up around 9:15 a.m. and were to wait for michael (the director) to show up. he told us he'd be in around 9:30 and before he arrived we saw both kkl and aj (katherine kelly lang & ashley jones) arrive and walk right past us. (ahhh!! i loved it!!) right on time (a couple minutes early, in fact) in came michael. he's really so freakin nice, you guys. just unbelievable.

he thusly took us on a quick tour of the studio. we saw the stage where they film the price is right and the shop where they make all of the sets, draperies, costumes, etc. then he led us into b&b's studio and we walked up and down the aisles of sets used for b&b. i think our mouths were hanging open. i think we were in awe. oh, who am i kidding! we were in awe!! there, in front of us, was eric's office! and there, the forrester steam room! and, wait for it, stephanie and eric's living room!!

one by one the actors started showing up. each of them clad in jeans and tees, flip flops. some in robes. here are these people who play the parts of glamourous fashion designers, wearing extravagant gowns and crazy heels, and they're wearing what i wear. (only like ten sizes smaller than what i wear...these people are TINY!)

i don't think i can possibly say anything to overstate how teeny all of these actors are. the women are like skinny beyond belief. at one point i looked over at ben and whispered, "i feel incredibly fat right now..." like seriously. i am a monster next to these girls! but they really are beautiful. i wish i could have had the opportunity to tell kkl how much i adore her. but there was not the chance. what is one to do.

we did get to talk to a few of the actors and they were CHARMING!! don diamont (bill, also known as brad from y&r) came over and introduced himself. he was super cool. just a really nice guy. a little while later we met jack wagner (nick, also from melrose place-the one from the 90s-, also frisco on gh-). see if you recognize him:

(uj, me, jw, ali-aka my sister, and my one and only truest love--mr b.)

aren't we a handsome group?? he actually offered up this photo op and no one else did. so this was all we got. because i am, above all things, not a rule breaker.

heart breaker, yes. rule breaker, no.

then we met john mccook (eric, also from a lot of different tv and theatre stuff). he talked with us at length and the highlight of my day was when i told him i'd seen him on family ties (true story) and he seemed impressed. (well duh!) later he sat down and talked with ali and uj and came up to us many times after that just to chat. it was stellar. really.

after john (oh you know we're on a first name basis!), we met aaron spears (justin) just before he finished up his final scenes and, again, SO nice. down to earth, the whole nine. so now, even though he may cause trouble for our other favorites, he's got my vote :)

in total, everyone we met was just like a real person. even though they're celebrities, they were very genuine, laid-back, friendly. on the way home we were just on a bit of a high. the whole experience exceeded any expectation we could have had.

so now i'm waiting for michael to invite me back :) (is that terrible?? i can't wait!)

and now it's tonight. and i'm exhausted.

p.s. michael, if you're reading this, thank you for making a dream of ours come true. you single-handedly gave us an opportunity of a lifetime. we walked away on clouds of joy and excitement. and, in case you aren't reading this, i'll be sending you a thank-you note in the mail. because you're really awesome. and one of the nicest guys i've ever known.

your fan,
emily b.

rehearsal dinners are for lovers

celebrating zach & angie, sept. 4, 2009

true story on all fronts!

FAME! or, how i'm going to get discovered by week's end

why maroon? i don't know yet...

so last june, we attended a client's birthday party. said client's nephew happens to be the director of my soap opera. by my soap opera i mean the one we watch at work. everyday. every week.

this soap opera is called 'the bold & the beautiful.'

aka: b&b

the director of b&b is awesome. he is nice. and down to earth. and i think he appreciated our extensive knowledge about the show that he directs. uj has been watching this show since it first aired. he knows everything and everyone.

so, needless to say we had a great time talking with him. before we left he graced us with some scripts (awesome!) and his card, offering a meeting at the studio (quadruply awesome!).

but i was too chicken to call.

ya know what, he's a hollywood director. who would i be if it didn't make me nervous to call him??

but eventually i did call. left a message. felt pretty cool about the whole thing. and you could bet your bottom dollar he called back the next day.

only i wasn't there.

but you can bet another of your dollars that he left a message for ME! little ol ME!! i immediately emailed ben with the following:

"this will most probably be the only time i can say i got a callback from a hollywood director."

and then i giggled to myself. all day. and a little bit right now.

oh, my cleverness.

so there was much phonetagging to ensue. but this past week i talked to him and he talked to me. like real people on a real phone call.

and let me tell you.

he is so cool! he's just super freakin cool!

and we're all set to go up to CBS this friday to hang out...
(do you hear the words that are comin out of my mouth?! -all chris tucker style and everything)

so when you, my dearest and possibly gentlest reader, are awaking on this yet-to-be friday morn, think of me playing it cool whilst my insides are screaming. this is as close as i'm gonna get to my dreams of stardom. most possibly the only time i'll be phonetagging with directors.

and i'm LOVING every second of it! i promise a full report post-tour. maybe pictures if i'm lucky :)

(aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!)

sunday SUNDAY sunday

this is the second sunday in a row we've had our main line back up. and by back up i mean into our tubs. and by into our tubs i mean GROSS.

oh goodness gracious me.

i think by this point we all know how much i looooove my house. it is beautiful. and welcoming. and has, among other things, an open floor plan and a jacuzzi tub. but what lives under our house is of a different ilk. what lives under our house are pipes. well, and probably spiders but i'm not going there. not today anyway. so pipes. and clay pipes to be exact. and roots.

allow me to digress.

once upon a time there was a children's playground song that went something like this, "clay pipes and tree roots underneath the house...k-i-s-s-i-n-g..."

so yeah. our pipes are FILLED with these roots. and everything that gets caught up in said roots from our toilets and drains. i know, super yummy. so the husb and i were all, "today is so relaxing...when's the last time we had nothing to do?...this is like the best day we've had in a long time..."

and then KABLAM! main line is clogged. there's yucky stuff in our bathtub. we're sticking hoses down into our sewer line. we're snaking. (and by we i mean ben) then comes the ensuing fear of water usage. which is roughly translated thusly:

"maybe i'll just wait to go to the bathroom until i'm at work tomorrow...?"

(oh, don't worry. i was joking. kind of.)

so here we are. our line is a bit clearer than it was this morning. ahead of us lie numerous estimates on relining/hydrojetting/blade cutting/etc. there are worse things, yes. and always. i just happen to be tired of wondering if my shower or washing a jeans load will cause our line to clog. again. ya know?

in cheerier news:

-the patriots lost
-the colts will be on monday night football!
-the giants won
-tiggy is sleeping ON my foot...not sure how that is comfortable for him but it's heaven for me :)
-CBS tour is this coming friday!!
-i've officially given up on planning anything. i've learned my lesson(s). and for some reason, god has been screaming at me to stop planning even the simplest dinner. so, god, i give up. or i give in. because, really, something's gotta give.

(didn't it sound like i was singing a show tune with that last bit? i really thought so..)

also, lots of season premieres this week. i mean, ya can't argue with good television!

xoxo

in the name of tradition

dear peyton,

you'd better kick some dolphin ass tomorrow night.
i'll be wearing my jersey.
(and talking to you through the tv set, as always)
i have the utmost faith that your colts will be victors.
but it had better be by a landslide.
duh.

your truest fan,
(and tonight, possibly the spunkiest)
emily b.

p.s. i'll be in indy in a couple of weeks...maybe we could do lunch? :)

oh thursday night of crapiness...

hi thursday night, thanks for sucking!

things i dislike:
-crickets (shudder)
-the shower caddy falling down in the dark of night...scaring the bujeezus out of me/us
-our neighbor's newborn cry-screaming so loudly that i have to turn on the tv to even attempt falling asleep (honestly, if i have to hear a baby screaming at all hours...shouldn't there be a rule that says it should be my own? or at least be the baby of someone i even know?!)
-fighting before bedtime (because some of us can fall asleep before anything is resolved...and some of us are forced to stay awake and deal with crickets, shower caddies, cry-screaming and blogging...hm...)

things i like:
-sammy hunting said cricket which ended up being FREAKIN HUGE
-me killing aforementioned cricket but not before i thought it was a ginormous spider...maybe you remember my post about my sammy boy...quite the hunter but never the killer...
-cold bottled water
-when the neighbor's baby is assuaged
-NOT fighting before bedtime (sigh)
-the dsw coupon burnin a hole in my...pocket? wallet? well, the dsw coupon i can't wait to use. how's that?

i think ending on the possibility of new shoes (possibly teal pumps?) will uplift us all :)

good night my fair princes and maidens,
may your dreams be filled with green hills, warm arms and cottoned clouds
and may your mornings be sweeter than the softest kisses

done and to do

this morning saw me & mr b being quite productive. although i did the dishes and got the cats' blanket-bed into the wash, mr b wins for having advantaged the cats before i even awoke.

that's right. he braved this task alone. and was valiant in his fight against the fleas that seem, no matter what we do, to take up residence on our boys. grr...

still to do:
-return dress to nordy's
-take in trash cans (please, my sweetest husb? please??)
-clean litter box
-exercise (this is mr b's domain...)
-make mashed potatoes and green beans to go with previously-homemade breaded chicken tenders
-fluff & fold laundry
-do more laundry
-watch sytycd
-eat thrifty's rainbow sherbet with wild abandon

i think today is going to be a good day...

a flowerless home

oh my sweet sammy boy. you are so fluffy and soft. so cuddly when you are too tired to squirm away. so purry. you are my tall boy. my trouble-maker. my kitten face. my orangey :)

but you are also my counter-walker. my sleep-on-the-table-er. my sharpen-your-nails-on-the-window-screens-er. your meow has a pitch matched only by ben's whistle. you have mastered severing balloon ribbons in record time. you are great at playing with spiders...not so great at killing them. and you love, above most things, to eat all of my flowers.

tulips. roses. you don't play favorites. if i vased my hydrangeas you'd nibble. if i brought home peonies you'd de-leaf. and i can only imagine your excitement and deviousness at the arrival of a mixed bouquet.

but sammy, my sweetest of orange boys, when you lick me as i pet you, and purr and purr, and fall asleep next to me as i pet your soft white belly..

i know i wouldn't trade you for a single petal.

*i wake to sleep and take my waking slow*

-theodore roethke

one:

last night i sat in bed long after my benny fell asleep. half-watching "a funny thing happened on the way to the forum" and half-lost in the adventurous backroads of my mind. thinking and rethinking millions of possibilities and coincidences and happenstances. you know, how we get where we are and all that. what's next. and what then. but not in that suffocating way that seems so easy. it was like i was gently flying through these thoughts. as if thoughts were cottony clouds. amidst blue sky. it was pleasant. peaceful. i could feel my body growing heavier, sleepier, but fought it. feeling so good in the moments of night-sky and moonlight. as soon as i clicked off the tv our room was washed in that soft white glow and it seemed to rock me to sleep.

but today i feel sleepy. overwhelmed. or drowsy. every word seems like work today.
every nicety.
every breath.

my to-do list seems unimportant. my eyes are helplessly small. my brain scatters, then tries to refocus, recapture some semblance of focus. and here i am. treading in sleepy circles. circling.

two:

i have been reading a lot of blogs lately. blogs about lives that seem so delightfully simple although i know they are not. but lives filled with things like tulips and time for homecooked meals and cobblestone streets. don't get me wrong, my motivation to make spaghetti and meatballs for us last night was quite impressive. but it didn't fill the house with any wonderfully delicious smells. we didn't even have garlic bread. and i forgot to wear my apron. so i just don't feel like it counted for much.

and there are all of these people who blog about recipes. and cooking. and dashes of spices. and pinches of goodness. and inspiration. and flour-speckled countertops.

i can barely measure out water.

oh, sigh. i think what this day needs is some good poetry. food for my brain. deliciousness for my soul. and the warm fullness of digesting someone else's beautiful words...

birthday girl

that's me!

so, for my birthday, i thought i would be the one giving a gift to you, dear reader, as i sum up some highlights of this past weekend wherein i wanted to blog but did not turn on my computer once.

1. zach and angie got married!

2. angie and i had a hilarious and "romantic" dinner together while the boys bachelor-partied...i think i will laugh about this for like forever

3. the CA wedding party/friends dancing to both 'chillin at the holiday inn' AND 'california knows how to party' (p.s. the wedding was AT a holiday inn...so it was perfect!!)

4. we came home to a swarm of bees on our back porch. and now i have the creepiest of creepy crawly feelings. blech.

5. i spent my birthday flying from chicago to nashville and then home. there were some amazing views of clouds and land that just took my breath away. it was an odd birthday but it started out with family and friends and flying over some beautiful country and ended here at home, back with my boys in our cozy bed, in our beautiful home.

there will be more but it's late and i want to spend the last minutes of my special day with my most specialest of guys. (i love you, baby. you made every minute of today special and...i couldn't ever ask for more.)

p.s.
hello 29. i think you and i are going to get along swimmingly.

a bit overdue

at the end of july, s informed me that a fellow mfa grad had passed away. i have thought for a long time what to write and still am a bit shocked and wordless. not because we were close. we weren't. but we were classmates. and he was very young. and death is always a weird beast. always.

kevin was the kind of guy who commanded attention. he assumed everyone would want to hear what he had to say. whether he was reading his own poem or critiquing someone else's, his voice was a bit boomy. probably even self-righteous.

(now, maybe you think i'm being mean but in fact i am not. only honest. and i know kevin would settle for nothing less.)

when critiquing he would often say something like, "i don't like this intro but that's just kevin franklin." he almost always referred to himself in the third person. and it almost always caused muffled laughter in those echoey classrooms. his poems were about his many escapades. ladies he'd conquered. island life he'd lived. there is something sad yet satisfying in knowing we'll never know who kevin really was. which of his poems embodied the real him. it's most likely true that they all did, to an extent. he was the only black person in our class and i think the only black person in our entire program (?) but please don't fault me if i'm mistaken. there is nothing i can say that wouldn't understate his pride in his ethnicity & heritage.

i have not seen or talked to kevin since we graduated. so it was most shocking to hear of his passing. he lived his entire life with sickle cell anemia. in and out of hospitals, etc. and i know he was a religious man. so, for some reason, i feel that he is at peace. with a god he had worshipped so wholly.

good night, kevin. workshop would have never been the same without you. thank you for your voice. your poetic honesty. and thank you for giving me a ride across campus that one day. it was hot and i was exhausted and going to be late. and you were very kind to me.

because i am a coward

what i want to say:

Dear Ali,

Every birthday I wish you a new year filled with change and happiness. Filled with love. (Filled with honesty and integrity.) You are 26 this year and it seems each year is the same. You have lived the same year over and over since you were 14. Or is it 12? You are actually even sleeping with the same guy you were "dating" when you were 12. Or was it 13? I feel sad that you never seem to change. That you have yet to take responsibility for any aspect of your life. That you are ok that it is always, "poor Ali." What I am hoping for your 27th year is that you get your shit together. That you look in the mirror and stare deep into the eyes of the person responsible for the mess that is your life. You. That you think hard about who your friends are. That you think hard about the men in your life who have never seemed to love you the way you love them. That you can find a partner who has, not only a job, not only a place to live, not only a vehicle that runs but, some inkling of the path he wants his life to take and the motivation to make that happen. What I wish for you this year, as I secretly do every year, is that you grow up. Once and for all.

Love, Emily

what i will say:

Dear Ali,

I hope 26 is everything you want it to be.

Love, your Sis