and just before september can sprinkle us with her sweetness

do you sometimes want to just ring peoples' necks? and then realize you can't be serious because nobody but nobody "rings" necks these days? are these people your family members? ever?

i don't know what it is but occasionally i need a vacation from my all-fem fam. and thank sweet goodness that we have a trip coming up but i wish it didn't have to be about getting out of town. i wish i could live a week or two of my life without my mom mothering me all day. and without my sister doing whatever dead-beat things she does all day.

see,

i work with both mi madre y mi hermanita.

ugh.

this makes it so difficult. i mean, families are difficult anyway. (aren't they?) but every day, all day, we're smashed in this tiny office. together.

and it is not a good fit...

at the end of august

this kind of weather begs for adirondack chairs.

and lemonade.

and streamers and paper lanterns and strings of lights.

this kind of weather begs for bare arms. and legs.

maybe even mid-sections. (*gasp*)

this is sleeping on top of the covers weather.

taking off your shoes in the car weather.

letting the hot, dry wind blow your hair to pieces weather.

and you won't hear me complain. not even when my car's thermometer reads 108. and i've got all of my windows down because i'm without that which conditions the air.

not even then.

these are the last days of my 29th year (right? if i'm turning 29 i'm celebrating 29 years on this here earth...right? which means sept 7th begins year 30? wowzers...).

and i am relishing.

*hey hobo man, hey dapper dan*

i've got a lot to smile about these days:
-my guy is back home with me.
-i've had a week full of good family time and friend time.
-i've got a weekend coming up that's super full of friend time
(saturday pool party + sunday b'day party = silent screaming happiness)
-apparently i have the biggest dimples in all of the world (more to love, i say)
-and tomorrow (tomorrow, i love ya, tomorrow...annie theme much?!) there's a COLTS game on!
have all of these months passed?
is it truly time for that wonderful season of life yet again?

(renew me, peyton.
perhaps you won't be on the field tomorrow.
it's ok.
but if only i can see your face.
full of promise.
full of victorious dreams.
i've got my jersey ready, 18.
bring it.)

i know i've been away a bit.
i'm no good when i'm on my own.
as i drove mr b home from the airport i thought back to my few weeks as a housesitter for my boss. (almost 10 years ago..)
he had a huge house in p.v.
i thought it would be a perfect getaway from living with my mom and sister.
*sigh*
every night i found my tears.
and cried and cried.
i felt paralyzed.
then i'd get up in the morning, get ready for work, and be fine.
and at night, back to the tears.
but i find it's a bit the same (better, but same) even now.
like i said, i'm no good when i'm on my own.
at least i know it's always been this way.
and i'm not regressing.
or digressing.
or any other sort of gressing...
(what is gressing, anyway?)

so here we are.
wearing our smiles.
making our way through the week.
day by day.
life seems to have fit back into its best mold.
my boys asleep at my feet.
my guy asleep by my side.

*i think i'm gonna like it here*

p.s. i am good at one impression and one impression only...
carol burnett's mrs hannigan singing, "some women are drippin with diamonds, some women are drippin with pearls. lucky me, lucky me, look at what i'm drippin with...little girls."

p.s.s. same said mrs hannigan was so real to me as a child that i didn't believe she was acting...i thought carol burnett was really such an awful, mean person. so, yeah. but really. if i have a couple of drinks in me i'll sing it for ya :)

on crybabies and cat-babies

have you ever been crying and whilst said crying is ensuing you're wondering, "what series of electrical what-nots are surging through me to create this behavior?"

that sums up the last 24 hours of my life. and a gazillion hours spread over the course of my 28 (almost 29!) years. but this is most specifically about the last 24 hours.

i mean, i don't know. ben is away for the next few days and i've just about fallen to pieces. why?! i'm not completely helpless. i'm not in any danger. apparently i'm just a big fat crybaby...is there any other explanation?

is my equilibrium so fragile that one small change sends my emotional state catapulting through the nooks and crannies of space and time? it seems most apparent, doesn't it?

oh heavens, i just miss the heck outta my man...

in the meantime, i have my two little guys to take care of me. those furry boys, those sweet monkeys. after i dropped ben off at the airport (and detoured to breakfast with my mom) i went home and collapsed on the bed in a heap of tears. (again, i was like, "really? who am i?") but not one minute passed before tiggy was nuzzling me and then sammy followed suit. what followed was them sleeping between my legs and at my feet, respectively, and letting me pet them. it was heavenly. a nice distraction from my needless self-pity.

as for my boys, do you see how adorable they are together?! there have been many a time i have stopped by home in the middle of the day only to find them cuddled up with one another. i took this pic the other morning before i left for work. i think it exemplifies their relationship.

sammy: must be near tiggy, must play with him sleep with him nuzzle him and have him clean me

tiggy: eh, i guess i'll let sammy play with me sleep with me nuzzle me and i'll clean him...but i'll also bite the back of his neck whenever i please!! muahaha

i can't wait to snuggle up with them later!

p.s. tiggy sleeps (as seen above) in this same place every morning. when i try to close the window, he moves his paw into the window track and looks up at me. i dare you to not laugh about that one...

the sound of the breeze like music through a sieve

lately everything's just goin goin goin. right now ben is packing for his first of three trips to chicago. in the truest of truths, i wish he weren't going. but he's really looking forward to a long weekend with his friend. so what's a girl to do.

i've been a bit of a mess lately, going through my grandparents' photos and missing them both so much in such different ways. i wish against all logic that my grandpa was still alive and that same wishing part of me wishes my grandma didn't have dementia. how things are always changing. how little love really changes anything when it comes down to it. (see? a mess, i tell you.)

and there are other things. goals that seem unreachable. or impossible.

i almost feel like someone dumped a bucket of tears over my head. i feel like there is a liquid weight i can't quite get out from under. not to mention i hate being alone. even on my best days. so, i'm a bit nervous about the upcoming 5 days that i will be ben-less. i mean, i know i'll be ok. don't worry, fair readers :)

in chipperier news, i was the recepient of an early birthday present this week and (finally!) got to be rid of my razr! it was goodbye flip-phone, hello iphone...my guy knew just what i wanted for my birthday this year and wanted me to have it in time for his trip so we could chat chat chat at our leisure :) so far, it's nothing but fun! i've even got a free poetry app that's kind of like magnetic poetry. very very fun...

i guess that's about it. i'm surrounded by clean, laid-out laundry that is begging to be hung. the washer just cycled off and i can hear the dryer begging to do it's job. seems there is a lot of begging going around this place. and, again, what's a girl to do but oblige.

oblige oblige oblige.

what's that old adage about god's laughter and our plans?

it is always a bit humbling when the universe puts you in check.
like when your computer no longer supports lucida grande.
and it happens to be your favorite font of the week.
or when you think you've plotted and planned everything to a T.
but it's all for naught.

or even when you try to upload a picture to make your blog a little bit awesome. and, for the first time ever,
it doesn't work.

seems i will need to reboot.
myself and my computer.
and try this again later...

*i now pronounce you husband and wife*

"raise high the roof beam, carpenters. like ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man." -salinger

three years have passed since our wedding day. years filled with bliss and tears. years filled with the growing knowledge of another's needs as well as one's own. years that best the previous as soon as they are past.

my sweetest love, my god among mere mortals, how my love for you has changed me and my entire world. how i have grown into a person i am proud to be. how i so adore every cell in your body. each moment with you, each breath shared, these are blessings beyond compare. may you never doubt my love, instead only know the definition of my life would be incomplete without you, would be just a fragment.

three years ago we vowed ourselves, one to the other, and i renew those vows each day.

with a love beyond the confines of this known world,
your ever-loving and most loyal wife

the sun sets on another august day

i know what you're thinking...
"did that crazy girl go on some exotic vacation?!"
oh no, my friends.

no exotic vacation for this little lady.

this guy actually lives in the parking lot at my work!
(i know!)
uj and i pulled into the parking lot yesterday afternoon and there he was, this gladiator of gladiators.
standing atop the dumpster.
(didn't i make him look like he wasn't on a dumpster?)
THEN
when i left work an hour later
HE WAS GONE!
i was so glad i'd gotten some pictures of him.

but that isn't the end of this warrior's story.
guffaw.
today, this very morning, he was back!!
uj made me follow him outside with my eyes shut as he walked me over to see our friend.
we both were laughing so loudly.
doesn't he look majestic and official?

well, he's also broken...he's got a huge chunk taken out of his side.
but as he will be immortalized in digital film, he is as whole as the morning sun.
(or is that driven?)
he's as whole as wheat.
hm...he's as whole as...oh, who knows.

poor guy.
somebody threw him away.
then somebody claimed him.
then somebody put him back near the dumpster.
personally, i hope he stays in the parking lot forever.
i feel as if he is our protector.

perhaps the patron saint of parking lots and bookkeepers.