because i am a coward

what i want to say:

Dear Ali,

Every birthday I wish you a new year filled with change and happiness. Filled with love. (Filled with honesty and integrity.) You are 26 this year and it seems each year is the same. You have lived the same year over and over since you were 14. Or is it 12? You are actually even sleeping with the same guy you were "dating" when you were 12. Or was it 13? I feel sad that you never seem to change. That you have yet to take responsibility for any aspect of your life. That you are ok that it is always, "poor Ali." What I am hoping for your 27th year is that you get your shit together. That you look in the mirror and stare deep into the eyes of the person responsible for the mess that is your life. You. That you think hard about who your friends are. That you think hard about the men in your life who have never seemed to love you the way you love them. That you can find a partner who has, not only a job, not only a place to live, not only a vehicle that runs but, some inkling of the path he wants his life to take and the motivation to make that happen. What I wish for you this year, as I secretly do every year, is that you grow up. Once and for all.

Love, Emily

what i will say:

Dear Ali,

I hope 26 is everything you want it to be.

Love, your Sis