credit where credit is due

last summer i stumbled upon an etsy shop that happened to be involved in something called, 'the nienie benefit sale.'

this is how it all started.

the benefit was for a husband and wife, both badly burned in an airplane crash. the wife, stephanie nielson, was well known for her blog the nienie dialogues. so i began reading. and the more i read, the more heartbroken i became. and the more i read, the more i wanted to be the kind of wife and (someday) mother that she is. and the more i read, the more i wanted to write.

what i liked so much was that, even when she was having a hard day, she still appreciated. there are no posts about regret. she emits this amazing light in each post. she is a woman in love with her life, her husband, and her four children.

and i find it incredibly refreshing.

so often we find ourselves complaining. or we find others complaining and we chime in. the other night, a friend of ben's here at the conference, said "the more i talk to my wife, the happier i am that i'm here." she had badly cut her hand. the kids were running wild. etc. and all i kept thinking was how sad that comment was.

and how much sadder if the person saying it were my own husband.

it's unfortunate that we live in a society where we are pushed to believe that our spouses are holding us back. or our children have made us miss out on our lives.

a friend of my sister's took her two daughters to disneyland for one of their birthdays. one of the girls, i believe she's 8, was scared to death of the haunted mansion. begged not to have to ride it. cried the whole way through the line. and at one point her mom looks at her and says, "i've already had to sit out on another ride, i'm not sitting out on this one too."

GROW UP.

so the girl rode the entire ride with her hands over her eyes quietly sobbing. and again, i felt so much sadness for this girl. genuinely scared. and her mother could care less. cares more about riding on a ride she's probably been on more times than she could count.

so i don't know. i don't have kids. i don't know what it's like. but i do know what i want to be like. and a lot of my inspiration comes from nie. even though she's mormon and i am not. and have no desire to be.

but there are worse things in this world than being dedicated to one's family and truly loving the life you have been given to live.

and now, an anecdote:
last night, we are out to dinner with a few friends here at the conference. i am asked what i got my degrees in. i start talking about poetry. in my modest way. and then ben starts telling them how well he thinks i write. he says it blows him away. he goes on and on saying all of these wonderful things. and i felt as if i was simultaneously melting and bursting. i felt like i was emitting this amazing light. i almost wanted to close my eyes. instead i just smiled. possibly the biggest smile my face has ever known. i am a woman in love with her life and her husband. and the way the two will forever be interwoven. and the pride i feel in that admission.

thank you, nie.