the biggest shoulder shrug of all time

it is almost midnight...i am tired but i can't force myself to shut down this laptop monster and close my eyes...when i do i will likely fall asleep in milliseconds...but i'm fighting it like a little kid tonight...what i really want, more than anything, is to just be, here with ben and the cats, all weekend...i don't want to leave the house except to go out into the yard...i don't want to talk to anyone...i don't want to do chores or make plans or buy anything...i just want to be slow...to fall in and out of sleep as the day passes...to wear pajamas and socks...and maybe i straighten my hair just for the hell of it...i don't want to melt into a puddle in front of the tv and i don't want to facebook...(although i love reading those '25 things about me' notes..)...i want to feel peaceful and relaxed and calm...i want to be rid of anger and annoyances...i want to erase all of the negativity that is being thrown all over the world like confetti...sticking to everything...i want to be selfish without feeling selfish...and eat frozen yogurt everyday...i want and i want and i want...

and yet.