do i hear a dollar? a nickel? a penny?

as you may or may not know, my sister is the world's worst employee. in the history of living creatures on this planet. her idea of working is chatting online all day whilst at work. (hehehe, i love whilst.) this has been going on for some time. i know what you're thinking, she must not have work to do or else be so efficient that no one really notices.

to the contrary!

she has work piled up for weeks. there are boxes and boxes of filing. untouched. data entry. which will eventually be completed at about one entry per...i dunno...5 minutes. it took her two entire days to stuff and mail 400 envelopes. over 12 hours!!

for no other reason than she is chatting on aim aaaalllllll daaaaaay. SO. my mom totally called her out on it today.

AND IT WAS GLORIOUS!!!

i wasn't fortunate to be in the room when it happened but i was close enough to hear it. it went like this.

(sounds of furious chat-typing..you know the kind)

mom: what are you working on that has you typing so furiously?
ali: (after like 2 minutes of still typing but her stunned silence) i'm stuffing envelopes.
mom: are you chatting?
ali: yeah...IT'S NOT LIKE EMILY WORKS THE WHOLE TIME SHE'S HERE! IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S NEVER ONLINE!! (caps because she was practically screaming at the top of her lungs)

and scene.

really? you want to compare? i'm pretty sure you don't...

i just think it's awesome that that is her only defense. how about, you're right, mom, i'm possibly the crappiest employee this world has ever seen. how about, i'm sorry, i should really be focusing on work instead of getting paid $60 a day to shoot the shit.

no, it makes much more sense to yell out comparisons that do not exist. and that is so like her. true to form. i mean, what kind of person would own up to their mistakes? what kind of person would realize that they're disrespecting and lying to their boss and co-workers/family? what kind of person takes resposibility for even 5% of their actions??

definitely not my sister.

so thank you, mom. for being ballsy. and for confronting ali so that i didn't feel like my head was going to explode anymore. and because she only chatted about 4 sentences worth the rest of the day. and that was pretty much amazing.

isn't there a shel silverstein poem about a sister for sale? heck, i'm tempted to leave her on the driveway for one of those charity pick-up trucks. but i'm pretty much sure that she'd still be there when i got home...

ali, get your f-ing s*#t together. sweet mother of mercy.